Now we’re all ‘villagers’

State Government-regulated attire for all female councillors in 'villages'

By Andrew McKenna

So now it’s official. We all live in ‘villages’, so we must be ‘villagers’. I wonder do we have to troop around in overalls and say thing like ‘yup’ and ‘howdy, pardner’ and ‘just let me finish shoeing this horse’.

Maybe we could dance around maypoles, burn wicker men and die of the Black Death as well, Mr Brumby?

For a while there we were ‘provincial Victorians’, but now we’re ‘villagers’. Yup yup yippee!

It would all be laughable if State Government policies weren’t destroying the very ‘villages’ they’re purporting to support. Take the Chewton swimming pool. According to the councillors at the rally on Saturday morning (see story below), their hands are tied when it comes to pool funding. We either have to shut the little pools to get a new indoor aquatic centre or don’t get the indoor aquatic centre. The State Government has tied new funding to new indoor pools.

On 13 June Premier John Brumby unveiled a $36 million package and a new multi-million campaign featuring Victoria’s ‘iconic’ ‘villages’ as part of a push to drive up interstate and international visitors to rural and regional Victoria.

New State Government-mandated costume for male Shire residents

So while it’s all very nice to rabbit on about ‘villages’, those very ‘villages’ are losing their old, ‘outdoor aquatic facilities’, which have acted as meeting places, community hubs, and, of course, a place for kids to swim when it’s hot and we don’t want them to swim in the res because although it’s beautiful it’s dangerous full of snakes deep and you can’t see down it and people drown there.

Mr Brumby and Regional and Rural Development Minister Jacinta Allan visited Kyneton on 13 June to unveil the tourism package, which will form a key part of the Government’s upcoming blueprint to drive the future prosperity of Victoria’s regions. Kyneton is a ‘village’ too.

Under the package, groups will have access to a new, dedicated $25 million fund to support the development of world-class infrastructure for tourism, particularly nature-based tourism projects such as walking and rail trails and state and national park upgrades.

How about a few world-class outdoor pools, Mr Brumby?

“Our Government understands how important tourism is to the liveability and prosperity of our regions and today’s package is about opening the door to more opportunities for our regions to take advantage of their prime position in our stunning state,” Mr Brumby said.

What about a swimming pool for the kids in the little places – sorry, villages – Mr Brumby? How ‘stunning’ would that be? (Who writes that pap?)

“Victoria’s local tourism industry provides jobs for almost 185,000 people and injects almost $16 billion into the state’s economy. We want to drive growth in this vital sector by encouraging more people to spend time in our regional and rural areas.”

Buggered if they’ll have a pool to swim in, though.

“This package is about encouraging more Australians, more Victorians and more international visitors to visit Victoria’s outstanding regional tourism destinations and to encourage them to spend up big while they are there.”

How much would an icy pole at the local pool cost, Mr Brumby?

Mr Brumby said the $36 million package to drive up tourism in regional Victoria included, among other things, $6 million ‘Villages of Victoria’ campaign to build on Tourism Victoria’s recent highly successful Daylesford campaign to generate awareness of Victoria’s distinctive villages.

Excuse me but I thought they used to be called ‘towns’?

Mr Brumby said the new ‘Villages of Victoria’ campaign would showcase the unique characteristics of Victoria’s ‘villages’ such as food and wine, nature-based and spa experiences that are on offer in regional Victoria.

Instead of a spa, how about a few outdoor aquatic centres Mr Brumby?

‘Villages’ to feature include Kyneton, Daylesford, Port Fairy, Queenscliff, Castlemaine, a host of others and in future years, Marysville.

Mr Brumby, a word of advice: don’t fund a few important community centres such as swimming pools, encourage everyone to drive to one central spot, or herd the ‘villagers’ back to the res, and all your quaint little ‘villages’ will end up looking like Marysville.