Short change for schrapnel

The Hon Stephen Smith: taking a break from the tin rattle for Defence

The Minister for Defence, the Honourable Stephen Smith, has said that despite massive cuts to the Department of Defence budget, he was sure the Australian public would rally to fund the Department’s good work.

“The Australian public realises how crucial it is that we continue killing Afghan men, women and children, and we are sure that they will begin opening their hearts and wallets to this great cause,” he said, from an intersection in Manuka where he was directing a tin rattle.

“Even as little as $2 can be useful. We’re starting to call it Short Change for Schrapnel. And I’d like to remind the public that all donations are tax deductible.”

Since the Government’s decision to de-fund the Department of Defence and put the money instead into schools, hospitals and social welfare services, there has been a public outcry.

Amid a tumultuous day in Parliament, Prime Minister Julia Gillard said: “We’ll be able to fund all those projects like new wings on hospitals, local schools, respite care centres, etc, that we currently don’t, because we have been killing working families in Afghanistan”.

Mr Smith said the public could also donate in kind. A collection of donations from a generous Aussie public.

“This is a lovely Christmas present to the people of Australia,” Ms Gillard said, of her decision to de-fund Defence.

“We’ll be picking up the tab for all kinds of problems like cerebral palsy, cancer and diabetes research, children’s hospitals … so instead of getting those annoying phone calls at home, the public can rest assured that the government will now fund those projects.”

For his part Mr Smith said as little as $2 could kill an Afghan child, and even $10 could go towards wiping out a village.

“There are, of course, the ancilliary costs of getting boots on the ground in Afghanistan,” he said.

“But as they’re already there, bullets are relatively cheap.”

He did not rule out a telephone campaign to raise money. So just as you’re sitting down to dinner, the phone could ring and it will be someone from the DoD asking for “short change for schrapnel”.

Peter Garrett: former front man for Midnight Oil. Formerly a man with principles.

Mr Smith suggested neighbourhoods could hold sausage sizzles, schools could hold fetes and performers could run benefit nights.

“We are faced by some major financial challenges in our work of continuing to kill Afghans, but we are confident we can meet the shortfall,” Mr Smith said.

“We understand that Peter Garrett is getting together with Midnight Oil again to raise some funds to obliterate a village.

“This is exactly the kind of spirit local communities around the country can and should embrace.”

Mr Smith said the public would soon be able to “Donate now to kill some Afghans” – short change for schrapnel – online through a nominated bank, the details of which would be announced shortly.

You can also email Stephen to send him a message of support for the continued killing of the citizens of Afghanistan.

“A little moral support goes a long way in these tough times,” he said, disappearing back into the Manuka traffic.



Posted in Featured slide, Satire, Social Justice, Top Stories, War